things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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