dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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