WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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