Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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