seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
