if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
