watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
