I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
