we have pet lesbian snakes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
