I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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