What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
