I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
