My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The air taste purple.
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