this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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