he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
