his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
