I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
