Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
