I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
