You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
