My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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