I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
