he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
