I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
