she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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