First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
