I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
