Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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