I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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