He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
