i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They took my balls.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
