I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
