My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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