'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
