You can't motorboat a personality
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
