Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
