I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
