I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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