hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
