I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
