Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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