Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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