Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think my moral compass just broke
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
