sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
