90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
