he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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