so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
