It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
