He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
