Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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