I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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