Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize