my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
