she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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