i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
