Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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