We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
