Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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