I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
