yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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