Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize