Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
