you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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