Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
