Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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