I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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