On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
