I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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