So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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