My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
